[Hey Readers! You're in for a treat. The following article (by Frank Chin) was written with Pat Morita in mind. As a matter of fact, Morita and Chin were close friends. Enjoy!:]
(Actor Pat Morita;
photographer unknown)
THE WRITER & THE COMIC
by Frank Chin
Unloading activity- echoes – in a deep cave -
NARRATOR: (VOICE ONLY) AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION IN THE EARLY WESTERN UNITED STATES
Whistle
DISPATCH HEN:- Hey! OVER HERE! RECEIVE & DISPATCH -Who are you?/ ONE OF THE 12 ANIMALS/ Actor. Dressing rooms- that way/ this is radio right? Looks don’t count.
NEWSROOSTER: (ECHOEY - OVER PUBLIC ADDRESS ) NOOSE! NOOSE! NOOSE ROOSTER ON THE AIR!
JACK SOO: WHAT HAPPENED TO NEWS MONKEY?
DISPATCH HEN: WHAT HAPPENS TO US ALL?
THE COMIC: OH, NEWS MONKEY’S SO, LAST YEAR/
NEWS ROOSTER: (OVER PUBLIC ADDRESS) OH, NOOSE! NOOSE! SING FOR ME HENS
DISPATCH HEN: ( DARTS COMMANDS IN A “COMMAND VOICE” - SHARP WHISTLES FOR ATTENTION - ENDING IN A COMMANDING CLUCK- OVER HERE TRUCK-)
NARRATOR: (VOICE ONLY) YELLOW PEOPLE UNLOAD A COMPANY OF PLAYERS AND A RADIO STATION – IN A LAND OF MOUNTAINS AND STREAMS.
JACK SOO: (SPEAKS IN A RESONANT VELAR NASEL “MOO” ) WHEW! FANCY HEN’S A REAL ARMY QUARTERMASTER.
THE COMIC: SAY, AREN’T YOU THE JAP ROBERT MITCHUM?
JACK SOO: I KNOW YOU.
THE COMIC: NO, THAT’S THE OTHER FELLA.
JACK SOO: NOT YOU? I THOUGHT
THE COMIC: NO HE WENT TO
JACK SOO: YOU DON’T SAY!
THE COMIC: YES! VERY SAD
JACK SOO: BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE COMIC: OH, HIM. HE’S YOU, THE JAP ROBERT MITCHUM LOOKALIKE?
JACK SOO: Ah, my boy is growing into a man! I knew it would happen.˙
THE COMIC: YOU’VE BEEN TO CHINATOWN.
JACK SOO: TO THANK THE FOUR FAMILIES FOR HIDING ME IN THE POUND INSTEAD OF.
THE COMIC: I KNOW.
JACK SOO: YOU KNOW.
NARRATOR: THE COMIC AND JACK SOO BREAK INTO SONG AND DANCE-
–MONDAY, MONDAY-
Ba-da ba-da-da-da
Ba-da ba-da-da-da
Ba-da ba-da-da-da
Monday, Monday
So good to me
Monday mornin', it was all I hoped it would be
NEWS ROOSTER: NEW. THIS IS NEW:
FANCY HENS: THIS NEW IS NOW. NEWS!
NEWS ROOSTER: COCKA COCKLE NOODLE NEWS! :DATELINE: LAS VEGAS - ONE MAN STEPHEN PADDOCK WITH “MILLIONS IN REAL ESTATE-AND A GIRLFRIEND IN THE PHILIPPINES - DARLENE MACKAY 42 ‘”GUNS” IN 32ND FL RM (47 WEAPONS FOUND IN 3 LOCATIONS) AT CLUB MANDALAY KILLS 59 DEAD WOUNDS 527 IN 9 MINUTES LAS VEGAS – FIRST CALL TO POLICE: 10:41 PM 67 YEAR OLD WHITE MAN LEAVES NO WHY
An Australian girlfried in the Phlippines MARILOU DANLEY- A CLUB CARD DEALER
FANCY HENS:( SING ) HELLO MARY LOU/ GOODBYE HEART-
WOO WOO HEN QUARTET: (ALARMED-EXCITED – HAPPY – GIDDY ) WHTE MAN! WHITE MAN! WHITE MAN!
CRABMEAT: MY NAME IS CRABMEAT.
DISPATCH HEN: (CHECKS LIST) CRABMEAT?
CRABMEAT: I’M A FOLKSINGER, FROM THE EAST.
DISPATCH HEN: CRABMEAT …CRABMEAT…CHNESE, JAPANESE, KOREAN..
CRABMEAT: I’M A FRIEND OF AL.
JACK SOO: AL?
THE COMIC: YOU DON’T THINK….
FANCY HENS: SING PAUL SIMON’S YOU CAN CALL ME, AL!
NARRATOR: THE BUXOM HEN DISPATCHER CHECKS THE LIST: FRIEND OF AL? THERE’S NO CRABMEAT OR FRIEND OF AL ON THE LIST.
JACK SOO DROOPY EYELIDS LIKE ROBT MITCHUM- AND VOICE WITH A LOT OF UPPER LIP LIKE MITCHUM – AND THE COMIC WHO LOOKS LIKE PAT MORITA APPROACH.
CRABMEAT: I HAVE A LETTER.
NARRATOR: HANDS LETTER TO JACK SOO, WHO HANDS IT TO COMIC. THE COMIC READS
THE COMIC: (SUMMARIZES AS HE READS) RICHARD PRINE COMES FROM A SMALL TOWN IN KENTUCKY CALLED BELIEVE IT OR NOT, PARADISE. ON THE GREEN RIVER. ONE DAY HE COMES BACK AND THE PEABODY MINING CO HAS DUG UP PARADISE AND TRUCKED THE COAL AWAY AND DUMPED THE FOULED EARTH INTO THE GREEN RIVER AND KILLS FISH AND SICKENS THE SINGERS- WOW!
JACK SOO: WELCOME HOME, SON.
CRABMEAT: A LOCAL STORY- SORT OF LIKE THE STORY OF CHINAMEN AND CHINATOWN-
THE COMIC: CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN!
JACK SOO: DON’T KNOCK CHINATOWN. WHAT’S A JAP TO DO ONCE HE’S OUT OF THE WHITE MAN’S LONG SUMMER CAMP?
THE COMIC: BECOME A COMIC! MAKE’EM LAUGH!
JACK SOO & THE COMIC: (SING) MAKE’EM LAUGH! MAKE ‘EM LAUGH! MAKE’EM LAAAAAUGH!
THE COMIC: THE ONLY AMERICANS WHO PAY TO DRINK AND LAUGH AT JAPS WERE
JACK SOO & THE COMIC: CHI - NESE!
JACK SOO: THE FORBIDDEN CITY AND WHAT’S HIS NAME?
THE COMIC: ALVIN LEE ‘S CATHAY CLUB-
JACK SOO: ALVIN LEE! THAT’S IT. THEN WE ARE ALL CALLED NAMES INTO THE BLOWUP IN KOREA – SING YE HENS OF THE ROOST.
FANCY HENS: (SING ) CHINATOWN MY CHINATOWN-
(COMBINE PARADISE AND CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN – START HERE)
CRABMEAT: I’M NOT JOHN PRINE A NATIVE OF PARADISE- BUT HE WROTE AND PERFORMED
THE COMIC: CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN! WORDS: WILLIAM JEROME. MUSIC: JEAN SCHWARTZ (1910)
JACK SOO: WRITTEN BY WHITES AND PERFORMED BY BLACK JAZZ MUSICIANS- (CONTINUES ON )
THE COMIC: THAT’S COOL. RIGHT?
JACK SOO: COOL.
THE COMIC: CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN –1960 – performed by PAT SUZUKI in San Francisco’s CHINATOWN (after FLOWER DRUM SONG ON BROADWAY) - AND becomes a PLACQUE smack ON THE FACE of CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN-
JACK SOO: UNTIL A MASKED CHINATOWN PATRIOT RAMPAGES THROUGH THE WHITE PLAQUES CELEBRATING WHITE TRIUMPHS OVER CHINATOWN.
THE COMIC: YAY! I LIKED VIRGINIA DARE,
JACK SOO: PRIED OFF CHINATOWN BY A CROW BAR.
THE COMIC: THANK YOU, MASKED MAN.
MUSIC- JOHN PRINE’S PARADISE (CRABMEAT SINGERS) MIXED WITH CHINATOWN, MY CHINATOWN- (AS WHITE FAKE CUTE FOREIGN AMERICAN MUSICAL STAGED ACROSS THE STREET IN CHINATOWN!)
JACK SOO: ARE YOU AN ORNAMENTAL ORIENTAL?
BUXOM DISPATCHER HEN: HUH?
THE COMIC: HE MEANS ARE YOU ARE CHRISTIAN?
BUXOM HEN: HUH?
JACKE SOO: I MEAN DO YOU UHH BELIEVE IN A SUPER BEING?
BUXOM HEN: HUH?
THE COMIC: HE MEANS DO YOU PRAY TO A GOD?
BUXOM HEN: HUH?
JACK SOO: OR ARE YOU YELLOW, ASIAN- YOU PRAY TO A FOREIGNER YOU NEVER SEE INSTEAD OF LOOKING FOR YOUR SUPERIOR SELF IN YOUR CRAZY RELAXATIONS-
BUXOM HEN: I HAVE WORK TO DO.
THE COMIC: LIKE HOKUSAI WITH HIS DOODLES .
JAC SOO: HIS SHUNGA –
THE COMIC: YES, HOKUSAI’S SHUNGA. TAKE TIME TO THROWAWAY YOUR MIND IN MINIATURES AND MONSTROSITIES –
JACK SOO: TODAY’S JAPANESE THINK THEIR 30 YEAR OLD AND GROWING “FIGURINE CULTURE” IS OLD.
THE COMIC: NOT IN HOKUSAI’S TIME.
JACK SOO: IN HOKUSAI’S TIME.
THE COMIC: SOUNDS LIKE A SONG!
JACK SOO: I SAW A LIZARD ON TOP OF CRAB SHELL I LEAVE ON TOP OF A TWENTY YEAR OLD RAILROAD CROSSTIE-
THE COMIC: A IIZARD ON A CRAB SHELL ON A CROSSTIE
BUXOM HEN: WHAT A STRANGE SIGHT!
JACK SOO: THAT’S WHAT I SAID. AND THE KICKER IS THERE’S A RAT ON THE CROSSTIE LOOKING AT THE LIZARD ON THE CRABSHELL, AND THINKING, WHAT A STRANGE SIGHT!
THE COMIC: (SYNCHED TO JACK SOO) WHAT A STRANGE SIGHT!
SPIRIT HEN: Noose! Noose
CRABMEAT: OOOH! BEAUTIFUL
NEWS ROOSTER: News! THAT’S NEWS! COCKA DOODLE NEWWWWS! Not noose! Stew-ooh-ooh-pid!
JACK SOO: THE GLOW OF A SPIRITURAL WHITE OF FRESH WINTER SNOW AND FOXLIKE SNOWFLAKES APPEAR LIKE FOXES FROLICING IN SUMMER SHOWERS.
THE COMIC: WHAAA? YOU OK, MAN?
THE SPIRIT - HEN : NOOSE! NOOSE! Japanese Americans of Modoc County protest wall planned at WWII internment camp near California border!
JACK SOO: So what! What’s noose, about that?
SPIRIT HEN: Noose! Noose!
NEWS ROOSTER: News! THAT’S NEWS!
THE COMIC: The Japs always complain,
JACK SOO: and always fall over themselves rushing to do as they're told.
THE COMIC: THEY DO?
JACK SOO: That's been true since Mike Masaoka and the JACL. PFC Mike authors every Bronze Star citation of the 442nd.
THE COMIC: HEY! PRETTY GOOD.
JACK SOO: I'd hate to be cursed with a Bronze Star written by Mike Masaoka.
THE COMIC: WHY?
JACK SOO: Mike IS KNOWN AS A LIAR or AN exaggerator.
THE COMIC: A BRONZE STAR, IS A BRONZE STAR.
JACK SOO: And I didn't hear you speak up against Clinton or Obama's slobber over crazy Max. So, fuck you too you're too covered in goo for my company, you ornament you.
THE COMIC: What's an ornament?
JACK SOO: A useless pretty.
THE COMIC: YOU REALLY THINK OF ME AS A USELESS PRETTY? AND NOT PRETTY USELESS?
JACK SOO: You’re right! PRETTY USELESS IS US.
THE COMIC: HUH?
JACK SOO: Yellow theater in fact Yellow art is stopped at Wong Sam (1872) and the Chinese Exclusion Act 1882 become the gospel of Cameron House/ Social Darwinism/Hollywood.
IT ALL COMES TOGETHER IN A STEREOTYPE:
THE COMIC: Charlie Chan –
JACK SOO: THE CHINAMAN As metaphor THE REAL CHINAMAN WHO ISN’T A CHINAMAN.
THE COMIC: CHARLIE CHAN IS NOT CHINESE. HE’S A METAPHOR?
JACK SOO: THE CHRISTIAN WHITE TEACHERS OF COLOREDS ON HAWAII AND CHINATOWN , SEE THEMSELVES AS GAY YELLOWS. THE YELLOW AS JUICEY METAPHOR IS THE WHITE CHRISTIAN OF HAWAII.
THE COMIC: YEAH. SHAKESPEARE.
NEWS ROOSTER: That's Yellow history as written by the White man 1840-1925) BRAINS MAKE THE YELLOW MAN THE EQUAL OF WHITE WOMEN FOR THE LICKING OF WHITE MALE SUPREMACY.
JACK SOO: CHARLE CHAN IS THE WHITE MAN’S FAG IN A BAG.
THE COMIC: LIKE SPAM IN A CAN! OOOH! the contempt the Whites of San Francisco lavish on us poor, short, stupid BUT BRAINY foreigners.
FANCY HENS: OOH WHITES LOVES STORIES OF YELLOW WOMAN HAVING A WHITE MAN'S BABY IN FRONT OF HER CHINK HUSBAND. WHY?
THE COMIC: SO SHE WON'T BE EXPOSED AS A WOMAN –
NEWS ROOSTER: YELLOW MEN HATE YELLOW WOMEN, THE DAILIIES SAY, DON’T THEY? /
FANCY HENS: THEY DO! THEY DO! /
JACK SOO: STUPID BRAINY MAN WATCHES HIS WIFE BEING IMPREGNATED BY A WHITE MAN ON THE SHIP TO AMERICA / MAN AND WOMAN AND BABY ARE SMUGGLED OFF THE BOAT- YELLOW MAN RAISES A BABY NOT HIS AS HIS OWN. THAT'S ASSIMILLATION PROMISED PROMISED PROMISED BY CHARLIE CHAN! PROMISED BY ASSIMILLATION. REMEMBER? NO, YOU DON'T! Why? Because in six generations of White indoctrination you've become obedient ornaments of White instruction. And the Teacher is always superior isn't she? She's White! SHE KOW TOWS TO THE WHITE MAN IN THE OFFICE , WHO LOOKS TOO THE WHITE MAN IN THE SKY.
She iowned the White men who run DONALDINA CAMERON’S mission school. The school’s mission: WHITE MALE SUPREMACY!
PRINCESS FANCY HENS: (SING) YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
THE COMIC: THAT’S WHY get along with the teachers better than the principals.
JACK SOO: NAZIS TAKEN PRISONER ARE SENT TO CANADA THEN SENT TO ENGLAND TO SMALL CAMPS AROUND LONDON TO REBUILD WHERE THEY ARE DE-NAZIFIED – THE LIFELONG NAZIS ARE SHOWN MOVIES OF NAZI ATROCITIES – THE WRONG OF THE NAZIS ISN’T IMPOSED ON THEM. THEY WON’T GO HOME TILL THEY ARE GRADED WHITE OR GRAY BUT BLACK IS AN INCURABLE NAZI.
THE COMIC: INCURABLE.
JACK SOO: ALMOST ALL GRADE GRAY OR WHITE, AND GO HOME, BY 1948. HOME FOR SOME OF THEM IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE WALL BUILT BY EVIL EAST GERMANY. THE EVIL EAST ALLOW SO MUCH FOOD A MONTH BY MAIL, THEN FAREWELL LETTERS.
THE COMIC: 1948!
JACK SOO: 1940 TO 1948.
THE COMIC: WE WE’RE LET OUT TOO SOON?
•
Seattle:
RUBY CHOW
NARRATOR: In a foggy city with a foggy Chinatown a girl is born of a sickly mother accused of being born a husband a wealthy Chinese family in Canada buys, semds south to Seattle as head of the Hop Sing. Comes the day he goes home to wife and family in China, he generously tears up the I owe you notes owed him. Money that should go to the wife and family he leaves in Seattle. The girl takes the stories White men write and publish in the magazines personally. The girl grows up in a lottery parlour where Chinamen talk real crap on her mother who runs the parlour for the Hop Sing.
The girl grows up as the protector of her brothers and sisters. All her mother's children.
All her protected brothers and sisters have gone their separate ways, as have her own children. She and her husband plucked from the good and evil of Cantonese opera by her love, ironically, of Cantonese opera. He is the star she wants to father her children. He's ok with whatever she says. He loves her as much as she loves him. She can't believe it. Neither can he.
"Why the Cantonese opera?" he asks.
"When I'm a girl and go out with our five quart pot out to the icy walks before cement, to buy juk for ma. She just heats up. She doesn't have to do all the rice. She's not in shape. I time going into the cold to the sound of the junkman's horse wagon. He'd ride me up to what's now Weller Street and we'd hear clang clang clang dockdocdocka docka/ and I just liked it. I liked it a lot."
"You know why you like it a lot?""
"Why?"
"You're Chinese, like me, stupid!"
"Don't call ME stupid."
"Let's bring the opera to town. There are people like you and me who like the opera."
"They'll like a real Chinese dinner, "
"I’m a real Chinese cook. "
Ping Chow has come to town with his wife. They married the Seattle they settle and have children. The original myth of Farmer’s blood - marrying the land they settle, breed on and world for generations and rework and renew – they die on the land they wedded themselves to- the farmers children are born on the land - local gods are spirits and ghosts that live on in the physical place lIke the Jap Camps. Mike Masaoka and Norman Minetta and all the JACL monuments celebrate your shame White man. The White idea of Yellow civil rights is Mike Masaoka? It is written in bronze on White mans sacred ground.
THE WRITER: I’D photograph MYSELF BY SPITTING AND PISSING ON THE MASAOKA JACL MONUMENT LIKE VISITORS TO GENERAL YUE FEI’S TOMB PISSING ON THE BRONZE STATUES OF HIS EXECUTIONORS OF OUTSIDE , BEFORE GOING INSIDE.
JACK SOO: WHO ARE YOU?
THE WRITER: THE SON YOU NEVER HAD WHO GREW UP ON YOU JOW GWAI DUNKED IN JUK.
THE COMIC: YEAH! YOO JOW GWAI! THE EXECUTIONER’S GHOSTS FRIED IN OIL. THE CHINESE EAT THE EXECUTIONORS FOR BREAKFAST-
THE WRITER: THE CHINESE DONUT!
THE COMIC: THE CHINESE DONUT-
FANCY HENS LEAD A FOUR PART CHORALE PERF OF/ YUM YUM YUM YUM / YOW JOW GWAI/ DUNKED IN JUK/ YUM YUM YUM YUM / EXECUTIONORS OF YUE FEI / YUM YUM YUM YUM / FRED IN OIL / YUM YUM YUM YUM / BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!
THE WRITER: The men who freed the Japs from the concentration camps are the No-No Boys of 1943 and the Draft Resisters of 1944 -
JACK SOO: Whites just won't listen you assimilated Yellow, you, be grateful, bye.
THE WRITER: Say! There's a play in OUR CONVERSATION! A play with real actors playing real people.
JACK SOO: A PLAY? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
THE WRITER: Come to me with something in hand - a play - money - a theater - a company of trained skilled actors accomplished in White theater willing to work in concert on experimental Yellow works etc - meantime- I write what I write and wait for a Yellow publisher to show themselves out of you mess of soulless , gutless, shapeless, meaningless nameless ornaments.
THE COMIC: Whoa! I don't want to go into a KRAPP'S LAST TAPE last tape riff. You know how that ends. Whew!
THE WRITER: I HATE TO TELLYA
JACK SOO: SO DON’T!
THE WRITER: SO I DON’T.
(BREAK: COMMERCIAL? )
WRITER & JACK SOO, AND COMIC FEED FANCY HENS OUTSIDE-
FANCY HENS: (AS BACKGROUND) SPECK’A THIS/ SPECK’O THAT/
WRITER: DIDN’T YOU GET A CALL FROM BOBBY KENNADY IN 1968?
THE COMIC: YEAH. JULY.
THE WRITER: HE CALLED YOU HIMSELF?
THE COMIC: YEAH. A PERSONAL CALL.
JACK SOO: WHOA! THIS IS NEWS TO ME!
THE WRITER: (WHISTLES- OR SNAPS FINGERS) PERSONAL CALL FROM ROBERT KENNADY. IMPRESSIVE!
THE COMIC: HEY! I’M THE “HIP NIP!”
THE WRITER & JACK SOO: THE ONE AND ONLY “HIP NIP!”
THE COMIC: THAT’S RIGHT. BOBBY WANTS TO HAUL ME HARRY BELAFONTE AND TONY BENNETT IN A FLATBED TRUCK, TO DELANO, CALIFORNIA TO ENTERTAIN CEZAR CHAVEZ.
THE WRITER & JACK SOO: SO GO.
THE COMIC: GO? / HEY! THAT NGHT I ENTERTAIN THE MAN WHO SAVES THE NISEI FROM WICKED SNEAKY LOVABLE FDR WHO SPEAKETH WITH FORKED TONGUE, IN 1941. THANK THE LORD, FOR MIKE MASAOKA THE SOUL OF THE JAPANESE AMERICAN CITIZENS LEAGUE-
THE WRITER: (UNDER) THE SOUL OF NISEI KISSASS AND COWERING-
THE COMIC: (HAVING NEVER STOPPED) JAY AY SEE ELL- I HEARD THAT! THE PREZ SAYS TO THE NISEI, DO WHAT I SAY OR I’ILL HAVE THE UNITED STATES ARMY KILLYA!
JACK SOO: BULLSHIT! WHITE PEOPLE ARE AS AFRAID OF HURTING OTHER PEOPLE AS JAPS!
THE COMIC: MIKE SAYS, BEAT THE WHITE TO PUNCHING OUR YELLOW FACE IN THE FACE, AND ASK QUESTIONS LATER. AND YELLOW, IF YOU’RE A JAP, VOLUNTEER! THE PREZ WILL BE SURPRISED AND , IMPRESSED!
FANCY HENS: YES! YES!
THE COMIC: MIKE SAYS, HE IS NISEI! AND NISEI ARE AMERICAN BORN AND WHITE BRED. NISEI OBEY THE LAW AND REJECT THE JAP ISSEI! THE ISSEI ARE NOT NISEI.
FANCY HENS: NO! NO! / NONONONNO.
THE WRITER & JACK SO: AND INTO CAMP WE GO. WE GO. INTO CAMP WE GO.
FANCY HENS: INTO CAMP WE GO. WE GO. INTO CAMP WE GO./EVERYBODY KNOWS/ (LAPPING ) INTO CAMP WE GO
THE COMIC: FDR IS THE PREZ! WHAT HE SAYS GOES!
THE WRITER: EVERYBODY KNOWS (CONTINUES ON)
FANCY CHICKS SING THE BOTTOM OF BASS: EVERY /EVERY BODY KNOWS
THE WRITER: (HAVING NEVER STOPPED) WE YELLOWS ARE SUCH OBEDIENT SELF-HATING CHICKENS….
FANCY CHICKS SING THE BOTTOM OF BASS: AREN’T WE? OH/AREN’T WE
THE COMIC: MIKE GIVES THE BOYS IN THE 442ND A CHANCE TO EARN MORE BRONZE STARS THAN ANY UNIT IN THE UNITED STATES ARMY.
THE WRITER: EVERY CITATION MEDAL ETC ISSUED TO THE 442ND SIGNED BY GEN MARK CLARKE IS WRITTEN BY PFC MIKE MASAOKA HIMSELF BACK IN PUBLICIST’S HEADQUARTERS.
THE COMIC: REALLY?
THE WRITER: ALL THE HERO INDIVIDUAL NISEI OF THE ALL VOLUNTEER 442ND ARE ALL INDIVIDUALLY CURSED WITH THE GOOEY RHETORIC OF MIKE MASAOKA AND HIS CHURCH OF THE WHAT?
FANCY HENS: JAY AYY SEE ELL
FANCY BASS: WHHOOWHAAT?
THE COMIC: CHURCH OF DONALDINA CAMERON, THE CHURCH OF CHARLES SHEPHERD, THE CHRUCH OF JADE SNOW WONG, THE CHURCH OF MAXINE HONG KINGSTON MAKE THE TRUTH OF CHINATOWN AND AMERICAN HUMANITIES BY PRES CLINTON IN 1998 AND LIGHTS OUT ON REAL CHINESE ART AND LETTERS IN THE NEA, AND PRES OBAMA’S ARTS MEDAL MEANS NO MORE REAL CHINA IN AMERICAN ART
THE WRITER: ARE YOU SAYING JAP MIKE MASAOKA BETRAYING HIS OWN PEOPLE IS LIKE MAXINE HONG KINGSTON …
THE COMIC: MIKE AND MAX BY ORDER OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.
THE WRITER: THERE’S SOMETHING UN-AMERICAN ABOUT THE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT.
FANCY BASS: SPOOKY!
FANCY HENS: (UNDER) HIS OFFICE STINKS? FUMIGATE IT. /DUMB CLUCK! DE-LOUSE IT. / OOH! A LOUSE! SPECK’A LOUSE!/ SPECK’O DAT.
THE COMIC: PEOPLE THANK MIKE MASAOKA FOR OUR FREEDOM FROM THE CONCENTRATION CAMPS.
THE WRITER: AND THERE ARE OTHERS WHO KNOW THE NISEI OWE MIKE MASAOKA THANKS FOR VOLUNTEERING THE ENTIRE GENERATION OF NISEI AND BEYOND INTO CONCENTRATION CAMPS.
THE COMIC: THE HIP NIP ENTERTAINS THE PEOPLE’S HERO OF WWII.
THE WRITER: BOBBY SEES YOU AS THE HIP NIP, THE MORAL PHILOSOPHER AS COMIC, AS HARRY BELEFONTE SINGS THE MORAL PHILOSOPHY OF THE CARIBBEAN, AND TONY BENNETT SINGS THE MORAL PHILOSOPHY OF ITALIANS.
THE COMIC: COME ON!
THE WRITER: IT’S THE MOMENT YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED.
THE COMIC: COME ON!
THE WRITER: BOBBY KENNEDY, PRESENTS TO CEZAR CHAVEZ, HARRY BELAFONTE SINGING HIS DAY-O, AND TONY BENNETT SINGING I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO. WE KNOW WHAT THE SINGERS DO FOR THEIR SONGS AND WHAT THE SONGS DO FOR THE PEOPLE. AND ALL PEOPLE LOVE THEIR SONGS. NOW.
THE COMIC: THEY DO?
THE WRITER: A FIRST! THE HIP NIP WILL SING THE MORAL PHILOSOPHY OF THE NISEI. WILL IT BE IN (CONTINUES ON)
THE COMIC: MORAL PHILOSOPHY? ME? I’M A COMIC.
THE WRITER: (HAVING NEVER STOPPED) A SMARTASS SAYING? A SMIRK? A SIGNATURE? YOU GET THE IDEA…YOU ARE THE SURPRISE PRESENT FOR CEZAR CHAVEZ, TO CELEBRATE CEZAR CHAVEZ BREAKING HIS FAST TO HONOR THE FARMWORKERS GIVING UP , NINJA WEAPONS, FISTFIGHTS, AND CUSSING AT THEIR PICKETS OF CORPORATION FARMS AND SUPERMARKETS.
THE COMIC: I TELL JOKES. A JOKE. WHAT GOES INTO A JOKE? A JOKE RE-ARRANGES COMMON KNOWLEDGE IN THE MIND.
JACK SOO: LIKE WHAT?SIX FOOT 2 PLUS ONE 3 FOOT JUMP TIMES TWO EQUALS FIVE FOOT EIGHT?
THE COMIC: LIKE TO MAKE THE THINKER TURN TO SEE IF ANYONE HEARS THE INSIDES OF HIS MIND .
THE WRITER: LIKE AN EXTRAORDINARY VOICE IN THE RHYTHM AND RHYME OF A SONG OUT OF A MAN BURSTING WITH CHARISMA!
THE WRITER & JACK SOO: MAN!
THE COMIC: TONY BENNETT, SINGING I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO.
JACK SOO: NO. TONY BENNETT AT MR KELLY’S IN CHICAGO, LISTENING TO THE COMIC SING TONY BENNETT’S I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO AS A DRUNK.
THE COMIC: YEAH. WHAT A MAN!
THE WRITER: YOU OR TONY BENNETT?
THE COMIC: OR THE DRUNK WHO HECKLES ME, AND CALLS OUT TO TONY TO SING IT RIGHT!
THE WRITER: YOUR BEST FRIEND. TONY SEES YOU FINISH YOUR ACT.
THE COMIC: YEAH! HE STANDS AND LEADS A STANDING OVATION!
JACK SOO: THAT NIGHT HE DUSTED YOU WITH THE SHOWBIZ MAGIC OF CHARISMA!
THE COMIC: OH NO!
THE WRITER: CHARISMA ON YOU. YOU GO FROM THE BRIGHT HIGH OF BEING LIT BY THE SAME SPOT AS SHOWBIZ GOD TONY BENNETT TO THE PLAYBOY CLUB , WHERE YOU DISCOVER COMIC PAL TOM MELODY IS A BATAAN DEATH MARCH SURVIVOR AND YOU ARE A JAP! BUT KNOW YOU ARE NOT A JAP. But, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT: YOU ARE A JAP!
THE COMIC: YOUR POINT?
THE WRITER: TOM MELODY TELLS YOU THE CONDITIONS OF BELONGING TO THE SOCIETY OF NITECLUB ENTERTAINERS.
THE COMIC: HE SAYS, “YOU ARE NOT A JAP. YOU ARE A COMIC. THE HIP NIP. IF YOU ARE NOT A COMIC, I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND ANYMORE.”
JACK SOO: YOU WANT EVERYBODY TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
THE COMIC: I WANT TOM MELODY TO BE MY FRIEND. WE HAVE THE SAME AGENT- SALLY MARR – LENNY BRUCE’S MOTHER.
JACK SOO: (under) EVERYBODY NEEDS A MOTHER.
THE WRITER: (lapping –over) YOU DON’T WANT TO BE A FRIEND, YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM.
THE COMIC: THEM?
THE WRITER: LENNY IS KNOWN FOR HIS MOUTH. TOM MELODY WRECKED POP SONGS HILARIOUSLY WITH THE STINK OF TODAY, HARRY BELEFONTE IS A BLACK THAT CAN DO ALL A WHITE MAN CAN DO AND MUCH MORE, TONY BENNETT IS A PEACEABLE WOP AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT, AND YOU, THE HIP NIP…
THE COMIC: HELP!
THE WRITER: YOUR SIGNATURE HAS TO BE MORE THAN SINGING A TONY BENNETT SONG AS A DRUNK. SOMETHING MORE…
THE COMIC: MORE WHAT? MORE LIKE YOU?
THE WRITER: I’M YOUR BODYGUARD – YOUR KWAN KUNG – THE DEFENDER OF YOUR REP – MEANING – SOMETIMES A LITTLE DIRTY WORK DECENT FOLK CAN’T IMAGINE HELPS YOUR HISTORY AS A COMIC –
THE COMIC: OH, BROTHER! DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I DID NOT BOMB PEARL HARBOR!
THE WRITER: YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO FLY!
FANCY’ BASS HENS: (UNFOLDING VOICES) AREN’T YOU?
THE COMIC & NEWS ROOSTER: WHAT?
THE COMIC: HEY! I AM TOO YOUNG.
FANCY HENS: TOO YOUNG TO FLY? TOO YOUNG TO FLY?
NEWS ROOSTER: WHAT?
THE COMIC: AND I AM BORN IN 1932. AMERICA.
THE WRITER: THE WRONG COUNTRY!
THE COMIC: BUT I LIKE IT. WHOO! AMERICA.
NEWS ROOSTER: COCKLE DOODLE NEWS! THE COMIC IS BORN!
THE COMIC: I AM BORN!
THE WRITER: YOU ESSAY.
THE COMIC: I LIKE WHERE I AM BORN.
THE WRITER: U. S. A.
THE COMIC: MY PARENTS TEACH ME TO CALL WHERE I AM BORN, HOME.
THE WRITER: AND WHERE IS THAT?
THE COMIC: ISLETON, CALIFORNIA.
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